Did you ever exclaim as a child? “I can’t wait to become an adult, own my decisions and spend money how I like!” Well, how is that going for you? Or do you ever wonder why nobody warned you about the phase of life called Adulthood?
When I was a child, I behaved as a child, but now that I am older, I have to put away childish behaviours.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
1 Corinthians 13:11
Although adulthood is a natural progression, it often comes with shocking realities and overwhelming responsibilities. Whilst you might be prepared for some of those responsibilities, for others, you have to learn on the job or simply figure it out. This aspect of adulthood often leads to uncertainties, discouragement and many times, unmet expectations. Particularly, if you feel like your life is not unfolding as you had planned or imagined.
Is Adulthood A Scam?
Here is a question that has many adults pondering.
You know how scams work. Bogus promises are made to an individual, then anticipation is built but at the point where there should be a delivery on the promise made, expectations are cut short. Then you hear phrases like, ‘It was a scam’ or ‘He was scammed’. And if the individual is unfortunate enough to have committed hard-earned money, it is gone. Just like that!
A few years back, a song trended; it was called “Adulthood na Scam”. It had a way of painting a picture of adulthood not necessarily being a what-I-ordered versus what-I-got situation for several people.
Personally, in my journey into adulthood, I have found it quite amusing that it is a phase of life with many sides. There are honest truths about adulthood, however, that can help you have a better perspective on life or prepare if you are becoming an adult.
A little Back Story
When I was 18, I designed a life map. It included all my life’s aspirations mapped out to the age of 40. I wrote when I’d study for both MSc and PhD, when I’d start my business(es), when I’d hit my first million (then in Naira), when I’d get married, have children, and how by 30, I’d have it all neatly ticked off.
Today, I laugh at the reality of where the map has brought me.
At some point growing up, I began to wonder, “Was I sold a lie as a teenager? Did I buy into an illusion as a young adult?” Because even though I’ve reached and passed some of the destinations on that map, I’ve also faced redirection in other areas of life.
We don’t talk enough about how adulthood can sometimes feel somewhat confusing. The plans we make don’t always unfold the way we hoped, and that can be unpleasant.
Making Peace With Where You Are
In seeking answers and trying to connect the dots over the years, these reflections have helped me reconcile the dreams versus the reality. I have found five truths that help me find peace right where I am and they are absolutely worth sharing with you. I desire that these truths might just help ease the weight on your shoulders today.
5 Truths That Will Change Your Perspective About Adulthood
1. Choose Divine Vision Over Personal Aspiration
Maps, plans and expectations are lovely but I must tell you, if they are not inspired by God don not always go as planned. Picture yourself trying to give your little niece a big gift box but you find that she is reluctant to release the little gift box she has in her hand. That’s the case of many trying to make their plans a reality. Your loyalty to your aspirations should not be as strong as your commitment to God’s leading for your life. I’ve learned to surrender my plans and pick up His vision.
2. Process Is Non-Negotiable
You can’t bypass the process. Many people do not like this truth but it is the truth. When you see your mentors and public figures thriving, they are there because they have travelled their unique course to get to the top. Learn from them, listen to them closely, you’ll find that their success is sustained by certain processes they have passed through. Process births strong qualities like a refined character, resilience, deep value, wisdom, patience, risk-taking sharpened focus and so on. But focus on becoming the person who can sustain your own dream.
3. Growth In Adulthood Is Not Linear
“Growth is not linear” Fresh out of Uni, I picked up this wisdom nugget at a career conference and it has stayed with me for many years. Once you embrace that, you’ll handle life’s ups, downs, and plateaus with more peace. The quiet, slow, or even low moments are part of the journey and they don’t last forever. What’s more is that they play a significant role in preparing you for the big moments!
4. Work. Wisdom. Discipline.
These three walk hand in hand.
It’s one thing to write your plans, it’s another to act on them. You can’t desire a Master’s degree without researching schools or applying for scholarships. You can’t dream of starting a business without learning or taking the first small step. Anything can be learned if you put your heart into making it work.
It takes wisdom to let go of blame. It is easier to push blame than take responsibility. Stop blaming your environment, parents, school or even yourself. Pick your learning and move on from there.
Many people don’t have everything they need, but they make do with what they have. So, to build a life you desire, you have to put in the work and act with wisdom and discipline.
5. Time is an Essential Factor In making Sense of Adulthood
Living in a fast-paced world can make you feel you are late and disdain your life, particularly if you keep comparing your life to others. But I need you to know this: you are not late; you are right on time! Time is such an essential seasoning. Some processes can’t be rushed and some experiences must be lived to develop insights, character and perspectives.
If you are in your 30s and 40s, please do not live in regret. You have many beautiful days ahead of you to make the most of. Celebrate yourself, you’ve made it this far. Stop waiting till you “blow” or become popular before you honour your journey. Treat where you are as the next step on the ladder.
My Prayer for you is that your path in adulthood will be as the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day in Jesus name (Proverbs 4:18). Amen.
